Tuesday, September 6, 2016

"so this is love"

Again from when this little was four. Dress ups and kids are always the best combo!  I about died when Isla was playing dress up in her Cinderella wedding dress and then just happened to put on my wedding shoes. Heart melted! It also gave me a glimpse into this sweet faced girls future. Stay little forever please.

"If you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true." 

my little dancer

When Isla tells you anything it will usually start out with a "when I was four..." or "I haven't done/or had this since I was four!" even if it was last week. So in true Isla fashion, I am doing a post from when she was actually four. Once upon a time we tried out a ballet class, she loved it, and it looked like a waste of money to me. 

She really is a natural little dancer. She has always loved to dance. Tutus, glitter ballet shoes, and ballet buns, and on a cute little four year old... I can't even! But alas we are doing gymnastics now. This girl would do everything if she could, and she would probably be good at it all. If only time and money were not issues. 

Saturday, April 9, 2016

3 Years Old!

I can't believe our little Graham man is 3 years old! He was so excited for a birthday this year. He probably talked about having his airplane birthday for a straight 2 months. This kid LOVES airplanes. So for his party we had the family come over and we played pin the propellor on the plane, had a paper airplane decorating contest, and then a flight challenge with paper airplanes. We had one of grahams favorite shows playing (it is literally just different planes flying in the air) We had good food and cake. It was so fun having a day all about Graham. He loved all the attention. Justin made graham an airplane out of a cardboard box and that was also a huge hit! There were some cute decorations, but I didn't get around to photographing anything...I was too busy managing the party...next year I guess. We sure LOVE THIS SWEET BOY!

Graham at 3 years old
- Isla is his best friend. 
- He always wants his back tickled (ALL THE TIME)
- He loves airplanes
- He is currently in a Star Wars phase
- Loves to pretend to be a robot
- Loves to wrestle and rough house- he is 100% boy
- Sleeps in a big boy bed
- Loves to do funny faces on snapchat

Pretty much he is just the cutest and sweetest boy ever, and we are all pretty much obsessed with this kid. 


Sunday, January 24, 2016

Disneyland 2016

Disneyland January 2016!

A trip for the books! It was fun to have Justin be able to come with us and join in all the fun. Especially because he is just more fun then me and he has the muscles to push both kids in the single stroller. haha. We are definitely a disney loving family! 
We are Mickey fans in this house. We always joke that dad works for the mouse. 

Isla was dressed up as Minnie Mouse when she met Mickey, and he just went crazy over her. He danced with her, kissed her... it was adorable, and she still talks about it! Now when we go to disneyland she always wants to dress up as Minnie Mouse. 

We did the character breakfast at the hotel. The breakfast was awesome.... they could use better characters....

Isla's favorite princess right now is Aurora. So we were glad we found her! 

This boy LOVES his ears. Like he will wear them the whole day without any problem. 


So I actually have a few disneyland trips to catch up on. Having Justin work for Disney now has some perks.  This was from our January trip. We went with our friends Dayne and Elizabeth. It was so much fun to have friends there to share in the magic. The weather was great, the lines weren't too bad either. 

We actually stayed at the Grand California and it was AWESOME! You cannot beat the location. We did the park a lot and I do wish we spent a little more time at the hotel. It was nice though to be able to go and change Isla after she got drenched on the grizzly bear run. Also I was very early in my pregnancy so I was a little worried about how well I would handle the park. Thankfully I did pretty good, but just having the option of heading back to the room for a break was nice. Disneyland with kids is magical!  

Friday, January 1, 2016

Gift Ideas for Stillborn/Miscarriage

After our loss of our sweet little Enoch I was so touched by the kindness of so many people. Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say, if you should say something... but in my experience it is much better to say something. Your words are not going to all of a sudden make everything ok, and all you can really say is i'm sorry, but it really helps to know that people care and love you. We received so many thoughtful gifts, warm meals, flowers. It was very touching. So I decided to round up some of my favorite Enoch things I have gotten or want, in case people are in need of a little help and are looking for a gift for someone who could be going through something similar.

I love this sign... I still plan on buying it. 
found HERE 

I ordered this necklace, It is really cool because it is your actual babies footprints. That was something I was adamant about having. And after my delivery the nurses had a really hard time getting the ink to stick to his little feet, and I just sobbed. So they kept trying, and then finally got it.   I will forever be so grateful!  I ordered mine with just the feet, no words. 

found HERE

I love this print. The very first time I saw it I knew I had to have it. It is now hanging in my hallway and I look at it everyday. It is just a perfect representation of all the loved ones/angels carrying my little Enoch back to heaven.  
Brian Kershisnik "Angels" 

I also received this necklace and it is in constant rotation with the footprints necklace. 
found HERE

I don't have this necklace, but i think it is super cute. There are so many cute option on Etsy. You could just do the initial, or just an angel wing, or angel, or the date....
found HERE

If you want to go the bracelet route, these are really cute. I was given this cute one with his birthstone from my Mamma and my sister. You could also do an initial.

found HERE

Angel wings have kind of become my thing... I want them everywhere. I found this pair on etsy, they also have silver. But there are also so many cool wooden ones... 
found HERE

This is actually what my mom and I picked out when we visited the gift shop when I was in Labor. I think it is perfect and they have so many other perfect ones too. Thanks mom, I love it! 
found HERE

Other Things I have loved: 

- A teddy bear and a blanket (something for you to hold when you sleep) 
- Someone sent me the cutest pair of custom shoes that would have fit little Enoch's feet. I cried, cried and cried some more. But they were absolutely perfect.
- You can just give anything for the mom. Usually when having a baby people give you baby things, but this time you don't have a baby to take care of. So any kind of papering things for the mom is a good place to start. I received a cool subscription box with some new shampoo and conditioner, nail polish, a candle... and that was really nice. 
- Another cool thing was a box of gourmet brownies. I think they were from HERE. But they were very tasty and you can freeze them. It is a great option if you live out of state from the person.
- MEALS. This was a big one. I didn't feel up to cooking... or really doing anything. So having meals for myself and my family was very helpful. 
- It doesn't have to be anything big or anything expensive just a note, some cookies, I made a few little DIY things that I will also share.... My brother sent me a song (that has now become my Enoch song,,,) Just knowing people care about you, are thinking and praying about you is what matters. Hope this helps someone. I know in situations like this often times you just don't know what to do. But knowing people care and love you is one of the biggest things. 

Sunday, December 13, 2015

Enoch James Cook


"I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below, with tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow. The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tears. For I am spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year. I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring, for it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing. I know how much you miss me. I see the pain inside your heart, but I am not so far away, we really aren't apart. So be happy for me dear ones, you know I hold you dear, and be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year. I send you each a special gift from heavenly home above; I send you each a memory, of my undying love. After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold, it was always important in the stories Jesus told. Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do, for I can't count the blessing or love He has for each of you. So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away those tears. Remember I'm spending Christmas, with Jesus Christ this year. "

I love that poem. I found it on the internet somewhere. It is the perfect reminder for me. This Christmas is not going to be what I planned, I planned on having my sweet little boy to snuggle and love on. Apparently holidays are harder (and having his due date at the same time makes for a double whammy)  But today being his due date, I thought I would share his story. 

I have known this post needed to happen at some point... after all this is a blog about our lives and Enoch has impacted our lives in a big way. Our sweet Enoch was gone much too soon and we are still recovering from the loss. So this post is hard, really hard. Reading others stories helped me, so hopefully this will help someone else. Plus I realized I never really told anyone what happened, so this is an easy way for me to tell everyone at once. 

The Pregnancy

Enoch was our 3rd precious baby. We were so excited. His pregnancy was a really hard pregnancy right from the beginning. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum pretty early on and put on a zofran pump almost right away. I was throwing up around 20x a day and lost over 8 pounds in one day. I couldn't do anything. I have never thrown up more on the side of the road then I did with this pregnancy. The zofran pump is similar to a diabetic pump, you give  yourself a shot  in the belly every day or two and then the port would connect to the pump with the zofran syringe so that you have a continuous drip of the zofran. The pump went everywhere with me. The end prize was going to make it all worth it in the end....

This was my last day on the pump. It was very exciting to finally be done. 

They were watching me pretty closely because of complications from my past pregnancies. With Isla I went into preterm labor at around 25 weeks but then they were able to stop it, but she was born IUGR. Graham was born prematurely at 35 weeks due to a placenta abruption and was also IUGR. So  my Dr. had me see the perinatologist, and Enoch passed like a champ. Nothing was wrong. He was a perfect and healthy boy. They kept telling me that being so sick is a really good sign. 

At 16 weeks my doctor started me on progesterone shots to try and prevent preterm labor. I was going into the office weekly to get these shots. I was just going in for a shot and didn't think I was going to see the Dr. because I had just seen him the week before. He came in to check the babies heart beat. It was just me and the two kids. My kids were being wild and I was just chatting with the Dr. I laid there and he just kept searching..... he couldn't find a heart beat. I wasn't instantly worried because when he told me he could feel the baby I assumed he meant he could still feel it moving...so i just figured the babies moving around like crazy so they can't catch the heart beat. But I was nervous. He sent me for an ultrasound and the second my baby popped up on the screen I knew it. There was nothing, no movement, no heart beat....I just sobbed. I couldn't believe it. Someone took my kids out of the room and they then told me what to expect. Did I want to go straight to the hospital, wait till the morning... 

We choose to wait till the morning because Justin was still at work, and I had to make arrangements for the kids. Justin's brother Jeremy came and picked the kids up that night and my sweet sister in law Lana watched them for us. We had a few visitors, Justin's other brother Jared brought us some flowers, and some people came over to give Justin and I a blessing. Justin and I headed to target to get things for the hospital. I still had to pack a hospital bag. With Graham I wasn't prepared and didn't have bag packed. This time I had big plans, I was going to be so prepared and ready, but nothing could prepare you for this. I got some new pajamas and a blue robe, and a lot of junk food. So I packed my bag minus all the sweet baby things...my baby wasn't coming home. It was hard to sleep, knowing that this would be the last time he would in my belly. 

The Delivery:

(on our way to the hospital)

I decided to wait till the morning to deliver my sweet baby. My mom was able to fly in and come to the hospital. It was so nice to have her there. She has been through the same situation... she understood. The hospital was really great. I had one nurse the entire time, and she was really great and also a pretty good distraction when needed. They mark your door, then everyone knows you are the sad room. It was a picture of a flower... I should have printed out my own emojis. I was induced that morning around 10/11. We went on a walk to the gift shop. Waited and waited some more. I couldn't decide on getting an epidural or not. They told me that you are already feeling so much pain, there is no need to feel more pain then needed. Which I think is really great advice. So I decided to get an epidural. I am not sure why but this epidural hurt. Like REALLY hurt. I have had them before, no problem at all. Pretty much I am now scared to death of them. 

A stillbirth is very different then a regular birth. You aren't hooked up to all the monitors, you don't have a lot of people coming in and out. It is just as the word implies, still. We just waited. Then my Dr. came in around 5:40 and was just kind of checking the progress. As one of my friends put it who also lost a baby "pushing meant it was over, pushing meant I wouldn't be pregnant anymore. Pushing meant saying goodbye, and I wasn't mentally ready to do this." But I pushed a few times and there he was. The hospital had me stay in the same room and I am really grateful for that. That made it so I wasn't surrounded by heathy happy baby noises. 

We then just spent some time with our little Enoch. We decided on a name, and made all those decisions that you never plan on having to make. We held him and loved on him and cried. 

There was nothing obviously wrong when he was born, but he was born with the cord wrapped around his neck. Babies are born pretty often with cords wrapped around their neck and are just fine. But that is the best guess we have... a cord accident. 

"We were going to have a baby, but we had an angel instead." 

What I never realized is that when something like this occurs is that you still have to deal with all the after birth stuff you normally deal with. So i bleed for like 7 weeks straight, my milk still came in.... So it isn't really a quick process. I still have to loose the baby weight. Today would have been my due date. Time has helped to ease the indescribable grief... but the loss is still very much there. I will always miss my boy. 

* I have a little phone journal that I have been writing thoughts down... my little Enoch thoughts. Maybe at some point I will share them... but who knows. I also plan on doing a post about some good gift ideas for people who have lost a baby. Ya know, things you can do so that they know you care. Because that is very important, and I was very blessed to have so many loved ones support and love.